Tragedy

Hello everyone,
I know I haven't posted in a while, and I apologize. I haven't been in the mood to blog because of a tragedy that has left me broken-hearted and bothered.
On December 4, 2005 me, my oldest son, and my daughter went brought my youngest son a Dwarf hamster named Max for his birthday. Max's nickname is little Maxie. Maxie was so precious and really cool. Maxie was also spoiled. We would let Maxie out of her cage every day to run around the house. We used to try to block her in one area of the house, but she was so small (about 3 times smaller than a regular sized hamster) we was unable to limit her to one space in the house. We even brought a hamster gate and she could go right through the small spaces in the cage. So, we let Maxi have her way and have run of the house a few hours per day. Every morning when I got home from work to work out with my kettle bells, I would let Maxi out and she got her cardio on by running around the house. Well, one day when the kids came home from school, she was flipping on her back (which means she wants to get out her cage and play). So, my oldest son asked if he could let her out of the cage and I told him to let her out. Well, my youngest son wanted a PB&J sandwich. I went to make Jason a sandwich forgetting to take off me shoes. Maxi loves to walk along with me and the rest of the family like she was human. Well, I was in the fridge and stepped back and ended up stepping on Max. Max was still alive, laying with her eyes open. She couldn't move and was bleeding. I screamed and cried. I told my oldest son to hold Maxi and talk to her while I called my husband and the vet hospital to let them know we were rushing her to the hospital.
By the time we got Maxi to the hospital, she had passed away. I felt absolutely horrible. I loved little Maxi. Losing little Maxi was very painful. I still have a pain in my chest when thinking about her. What makes things worse is that it was my fault that Maxi passed away. For days, I couldn't sleep, I didn't go to work, I had bad dreams about that day Maxi passed away, and I couldn't walk in the kitchen without feeling pain. My whole family misses Maxi.
We had the vet cremate Max. After we had Max's memorial, I started to feel better. I have to say that my family and friends are wonderful. So many friends and neighbors came to Max's memorial to remember her.
My youngest son didn't know that Max was a girl until after her death. Everyone, including the neighbors, knew that Max was a girl. We told Jason that Maxi was a boy because he insisted on and asked for a boy, but Maxi was so cute that we ended up picking her and lying about her gender to my son. I remember when I first started letting Max out to have run of the house that she was lost for three days. We looked up and down the house for three days and couldn't find Max. I finally found Max in a closet deep into a comforter. She was fine. She even had food (the food that she had stored in her cheeks. Max loved sweets. She used to love picking up and trying to eat cake or cookie crumbs from the kids. Of course we would take the sweets from her. The morning of the day she had passed I gave her a pecan. She tasted that pecan and ran with it. I guess she thought I would take it from her. She didn't run very far because that pecan was very big. But, she enjoyed her pecan.
My family and I loved Max and we miss her so very much!!!!
My kids and I have been going around visiting churches around the neighborhood, and we finally found this wonderful church called Calvary Missionary church. I knew from the first time I stepped into that church that it was going to be my church home.
I'm still working out. This morning I worked out on the elliptical for 60 minutes. Later on this morning I will be doing a kettle bell leg workout. Here is my kettle bell leg workout:
*kettle bell 2-handed swings
*kettle bell rack lunges
*kettle bell rack squats
*cable squats
*kettle bell hack squats
*cable butt blasters
*cable calve raises
*standing weighted calve raises
*kettle bell deadlifts
*plie squats

Tameka